Counseling the Heart

Now-a-days, truth has a new rival. It’s called “my truth.” Is that a problem? Well, what we once refer to as my point of view, my experience, my story or my take is now hollowed, elevated from the subjective to the absolute, from the personal to the sacred, such that mere countering “my truth” becomes a serious personal affront. It is bolted by another asinine myth called entitlement. It means rights without responsibility. Granted, one’s needs and perceived unjust treatments should be heard, but can one justly demand it be accepted at face value? Since when is one’s claim a proof in itself, and since when is any truth protected from scrutiny?

Am I the only one bothered by this? Isn’t it common knowledge that we are all susceptible to biases? It is common now-a-days to hear compassion used as the raison d’etre, where evidence and facts seem no longer to matter. Yet, reason and passion are often woven together by the personal convictions in one’s heart. That heart often err in the conviction it purports, the values it holds, the concerns it entertains and the authority it ascribes to. Simply put, we are prone to biases. Here are a few worth noting: confirmation bias, self-serving bias, culture bias, and in-grown bias.

How does a 21st century person end up biased? To find fulfillment and answer, don’t we tend to take the easy way out by changing reality to favor us, instead of confronting our problems and inadequacies with rigorous research and sound reasoning. Instead of due process, we use undue speed. Short cuts get much support even among the educated as never seen before. I am amazed at how people are willing to put comfort before conscience, degree before dignity, progress before principle, empathy before evidence, profit before people, votes before victims, compliance before science. In so doing, we end up confusing my truth with the truth, prevention with purging, fact with feeling, compassion with compromise, authenticity with mere sincerity, examination with experimentation, reality with ideology.

A society that denies objective truth finds itself standing on shifting ground. Often, the children suffer the most.

It is not true that truth is only for adults. Early in life I tried to find the truth of the matter since I didn’t like being fooled. Having clear rules helps. Meaning what you say to me is another. Later on, I learned that clarity, objectivity, rationality and consistency were characteristics of truth. These are things money can’t buy yet truth is essential to life. But there’s more.

Truth is universal, it does not change with time, person or place, like all of us are sinners and death is the last enemy to be eliminated. Truth is falsifiable (testable) for accuracy (validity), and consistency (reliability). Moreover, it is comprehensive. It has the full in view, weeding out partiality and omission. That means you get the head and tail, not just bits and pieces when you form your judgment. It is the only way to weed out biases, like the lion on the right.

One grave result of fudging with reality is we end up losing ourselves in “My Truth” Ever heard someone claimed I am confused, I do not even know who I am anymore? Take the example of a rose. May I call it red? A rose will still be a rose by any other name, because a rose is not a social nor personal construct, but a real object. If our ideas do not match with reality, isn’t that a definition of insanity? Indeed, some have become insane from being “educated” believing that re-framing changes reality for everybody.

We were not here before we were born. We won’t be here after we die. So how can we be the source of truth? So are we prepared to face this truth? Truth can shock us, but it will never dull us. It cuts through our pretension and delusion. Truth sharpens us. Isn’t that one good reason to seek the truth? Jesus said “I am the truth.”

And without truth-tellers, how can we hear the truth? You’ll notice that stellar people who make a difference are often the seekers and outlier. They are not afraid to shock, challenge, debate, and change when proven wrong. Truth is not a human nature, lying is. To be on truth’s side, you must hate lying to others and to yourself. Jesus was crucified because He spoke the truth. Living out the truth is not for the fainthearted.

I like to call it by its proper name, Christmas. Proper name shows respect and recognition. It’s Independence Day, not just holiday. Or Mary, not just woman. It is heartwarming to receive a Christmas wish the way it has inspired countless musicians to write soul rousing songs. “O Holy Night” “Mary Did You Know” “Joy to the World” are so so good. That does not happen with “Holiday” no matter how many “Happy” we put in front of it.

This Christmas, I decorated before Thanksgiving, to have more time to enjoy its message. I guess this is the real reason why. Christmas is huge so that a day or a week to enjoy and talk about it is not enough. Whereas we so much need to be lifted up in spirit. Have you heard of the little known story of the Magi which says they did not see the baby Jesus until January 6? I’d say why not prolong the celebration of hope till then? Surely a pandemic year would not reject the idea of spreading more hope and good cheer. Shall we then say it like it is?

Be filled with the joy and peace of Christmas throughout the year.

Don’t you think that account is amazing? I do. It is God naming the world as He sees it, which is a good definition of truth. It means names are not to be tampered with, but respected because Reality exists. It means that reality exists apart from our own understanding, certified by God Himself.

These days, who hasn’t come across a misnomer?  Violence is called peaceful? Colorblindness is racist? Abortion is life-saving? Criminals are victims. Parents who stand up for their children’s education are domestic terrorists? The nameless mass is hailed as heroes and anyone with a notable name is in danger of being replaced, twisted or obliterated. It is like people take the liberty to define reality including history, value, morality, identity and rules of engagement, to the extent that names no longer need to correlate with reality. The assumption is Truth no longer exists, only one’s own perception or feelings is true.

What happens when you are Jane today and Jill tomorrow by the time you reach Russia? If Pam is the convicted felon, what happens if she is now Pete?

Misnomers create a fractured world instead of a universe where people can converse intelligently (uni: one; verse: word). Now, that is much worse than communication gap which is usually just misunderstanding. Rather, it is idiocy fueled by misinformation, ideology and controlled narratives. That’s one sophisticated description of lying infiltrating pre-schools all the way to the top universities. If reality is fluid, how does one decide what is? How can one be ever sure? How does that train anyone to think clearly, communicate accurately, or execute precisely? Then only a life of failure and misery awaits them. Isn’t it a mark of childishness to be double-minded, to disregard consequences, to believe with passion that which is not tested against broad wisdom in existence for centuries? And I thought testing is the basis of scientific research?

From experience we know mistrust turns people against each other, not just distancing them. Instead of changing the world, we are changed by the world we created. We become skeptical, cynical and alienated where we no longer know who to believe, what number to check, what name to use. After a while, we create causes to justify those lies, make up categories, events, victims and enemies that don’t exist as long as these yield the desired result we want. That is how victim-hood becomes hip. It’s lucrative.

Ah… did you hear that a teacher was fired for misusing pronouns! What? Can’t he just correct himself? Obviously the issue is not grammar. Rather, designation, speaking and human transactions are now based on color, gender, politics, ideology, feelings or mere loudness. Grammatical rules, language rules, moral rules are now a thing of the past? Well, if someone wants to change the basic rules of engagement, shouldn’t one have the right to challenge them or opt out, without getting vilified or fired? Creating rules that are one-sided only court friction. Worse if it is turned into a policy or a law. It’s a lie that it is done for unity, equity or progress. To call it justice is another misnomer.

Control the words to control someone’s reality and change it to one’s advantage. That’s gaslighting. I know what peaceful protest is when I see one. I bet you do too since you’d run for cover otherwise. You would not find it amusing if someone makes you second guess what you know is true and then suggests that you are paranoid or crazy. Would you?

Better ask how can one know he has fallen into any of these holes. Only the wise is willing to face his lie and admit it. For our greatest enemy is ourselves. We lie to ourselves constantly to get what we want. But since life for Adam did not start with a lie, neither should we. Be bold and call it by its name.

Small step: Have you come up with a way to sort out truth from distortion? May I suggest checking the basics or the Bible for how God calls “it” for real?

The pandemic has me thinking more deeply like…

Did you say “happily ever after”? You probably know better just by the rate of divorce worldwide. Don’t get me wrong. There’s no problem with dreaming of lasting happiness. The thing is, happiness is an emotional state that fluctuates, not a static destination. Worse, many do not realize it fluctuates according to the moral state of our heart.

Surprised to hear that? Notice that when you help someone you feel light, you can fly. It is like saying the flip side of happiness is holiness, whereas sin weighs us down.

There was a merchant who asked his best friend to build him a house. But the best friend used subpar materials to build. When the house was done, the merchant gave it to this best friend as a surprise present. Pretending to be happy, he thanked the merchant profusely. But inside, he was drowning in shame and regret. “I am a big fool!”

As the good Book said, “The wise man builds his house upon the rock, the foolish man builds it on the sand.” It is like building a make-believe world. So, to build a life of happiness, wisdom should inform and tame our emotions and lace our decisions and actions. If life is a house, I will wisely build it on moral foundation. Would you then agree if I say the ubiquitous thief of happiness is foolishness, and not failure, friends, or fate?

The fool speaks before listening, acts before thinking. He says, no one will find out. It is okay, everybody is doing it. He said, “there’s a lion in the street,” but he does not check. He might be sleek and eloquent, but only seeks his own opinion. The stomach is his god. My rights and interests equal justice. Oh, and my needs and sufferings make me above reproach. He believes the end justifies the means even if he robs others or sells his conscience. He enjoys the company of fools for after all, the fool is morally blind.

How then do we pursue happiness? Not without a moral-makeover for sure. It is more like crafting a jewel– carefully. We can learn from God who did not just throw away Adam and Eve to start all over again. Why? Happiness is not about changing our past or circumstances, but about crafting good hearts in the present which will ultimately change the way ahead to one’s benefit. It is a labor of love much like how going thru the wilderness for 40 years, God prepared the people leaving 400 years of slavery in Egypt behind to the promised land. Are there things weighing you down from the past? Are you a work in progress? In due time you will be rewarded. Don’t give up.

Things that no eye has seen, or ear heard, or mind imagined, are the things God has prepared for those who love him. I Cor2:9

Want More questions for a happy heart? Here you go: Ask yourself– what fills your heart? Which ones would Jesus want you to let go? Are you living by and in your emotions? What do you fear most? Do you have the fear of God? When was the last time you set some moral foundations? On what basis do you choose your friends? Are you controlled by something immoral? Are you aware that you are building a house you will live in forever? Are you easily offended and act on it just as easily? Do you eat your pain away? What is eating you? Instead of feeding your emotion, what do you feed your body and soul?

Do you want to be happy? Of course, we all do. Happiness is so good even our Declaration of Independence says we have the right to pursuit it. We know it is not referring to just feeling good. It is more like having a blessed life where you feel cheerful contentment, attaining and high-spirited but also enjoying simple pleasures. Overall, it is more long lasting when it is not dependent on the surrounding circumstances, but emanating from within your heart.

But sadly, people often behave differently in its pursuit. Maybe they would forget, compromise, or even sacrifice people and principles that stand in their way. Is that necessary? How does one find happiness?

First of all, is happiness promised to all? Just like many other good things, it isn’t. If not, why do we act like it is then conclude that life is unfair? This misconception easily breeds resentment. Still others develop a crab mentality saying: Why me? If I am not happy, neither can you. If I suffer, so should you. Until I am happy, dare you. As expected, this mindset is behind counterproductive harmful behaviors that create more unhappiness.

I also wish everyone can be happy. But you and I have lived long enough to know that happiness would not just appear on our plate. Should happiness come to us or should we create it? I am greeted every morning with a ray of sunshine but the rest is mostly up to me. Creating happiness is not just possible, it is a must.

In the Bible, we are told it is a personal choice and responsibility, not somebody else’s. In that case, rather than waiting or relying on others, picking the right meaning of happiness, the right goal and method makes a difference whether we create it or not. It is aiming for peace and fulfillment without involving foul play. It is about who and what we are and become and what we do with our lives.

Yes, we would meet failures. But is failure really incompatible with happiness or a part of it? We might think the happy story of Adam and Eve ended miserably. It didn’t because they had redemption, instead of just punishment. Receiving a blessing we don’t deserve is “grace.” The same grace offered them transformation. Thus they experienced another kind of happiness after overcoming their failure. It was no longer an idyllic happiness, but the joy of overcoming, of learning, of growth. It’s also more personal. Such becomes the conquests we celebrate, the love songs we sing, and the unforgettable stories we leave behind.

Truth is happiness is made of many “grace moments” as we hit and miss. Isn’t it smart that failures can be useful like firewood on the stove? By grace we can create different kinds of happiness out of trouble, and that without turning ourselves into demons first. Grace trickles down like dew that nourish the land, rejuvenating it. And like the tide that goes in and out shaping the landscape, at times if we just give it some time, we regain from our losses, reach our goals and become happier.

And when you finally noticed your “grace moment”, savor it like wine, sniff it like fresh bread, with gratefulness. A grateful heart quickly turns it into happiness, whereas grumpiness and malcontent spoil it. Jesus said those who are faithful in little will receive even more. That way, you CREATE more happiness, much much more.

Quick start: What’s that towel in your hand? To wipe dirt, clean your face, or wrap around your body? Are you grateful or did you just miss “happiness”? When was the last time you chose to be “unhappy”? To be “happy”? Do you have a quick start to share? Welcome to send it in.

What would happen if my life is not yet what I expect it to be? But does it have to always be the best for us to be happy? If that is the case, the best has become the enemy of good, preventing us from enjoying the good, the present blessings. It is so sad to forfeit so much of what could be better because we only want the best to feel happy. And if happiness relies on one big shot of a lifetime, we would be paralyzed at the thought of missing out.

No big if there is no small, No height if there is no depth, No west if there is no east, No tree if there is no root

With love we know hate, With joy we know grief, With right we know wrong, With life we know death

Without God there is no justice, No punishment nor reward, Without God, there is no forever, Without forever, there is no memory

Then there is nothing at all… For we can’t have one without the other

We only see what we want to see, And believe what we want to believe, We make our own law and absolutes, But reality begs to differ

Evil exists,  Man’s nature is sinful, He lives for a short while, The sun sets no matter what you say

Then there is the one-way street…

Yesterday will never come again…it’s one way, What is done can’t be undone, We can’t turn left to go right, We don’t pass the same river twice

No darkness in the light, No life once it’s gone, The end is better when we do good,  The opposite is just as sure

We are bound or free, Lies enslave and truth frees, We can’t be what we do not have, It’s a one-way street

There is free will,  But no free meal, We reap what we sow, It’s a one-way street

But there’s a one way street that never fails. Jesus said “My peace I give to you not as the world gives… I am the way, the truth and the life… One who believes in me will live even if he dies.”

Quick check:  Which street am I on now? What do I usually do when my street is blocked or my soul is cast down?