Counseling the Heart

What’s a happiness spoiler for you? I’d like to invite you to delve into this topic a bit deeper with the story below.

An exchange student who fought to keep his country from turning into a communist regime asked a professor, “Do you know how to catch wild pigs?” Then he explained:

You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. Then you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but to no avail. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity. The young man told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America.

What’s wrong with enjoying the food for we all eventually die. But what a way to live and die. Is this what you want? Is there no way out? Apparently, happiness needs an environment of freedom. No wonder, our brave freedom fighters go to war if there is no other way. But there are other arenas, some more personal, where we fight to guard the freedom we already have.

To stay on course, let’s keep in mind a few things. There is no such thing as a free lunch, and evil exists along side the good. What is free is not really, what is beneficial may not be, cause they lead you to captivity. In the end, good intention is not enough. There are nice people but who take advantage of others instead of “loving your neighbor as yourself” and justify lying with good intentions like promising protection and free stuff from cradle to the grave. It is when we are down and out that we may be tempted to take the easier way out. And now that we are hit with one of the worst inflation, the more we have to watch who we trust. Can’t simply follow the crowd or that free stuff. It might be a timely reminder to say that Hitler used inflation as the single issue that brought him to absolute power. Will history repeat itself? Yes, if we forget lessons from the past, and allow fear of survival to lull us in to destructive values. Maybe that is why Jesus said, be gentle as a dove but wise as a serpent. It is not enough to be nice, we must be wise. And there are those who refuse to compromise to get ahead.

May we not become a society addicted to freebees? Freebees is addictive. “The instant gratification from dopamine it produces is a rewarding feeling like that produced by drugs. But dopamine also prevent us from learning that the reward is fleeting. It creates a learning resistance at the primal level of the brain as happens in gambling or social media by interfering with reward prediction. It overrides our self-awareness or reflection that a thing is damaging, deceptive or degrading, with an illusion that the reward is ever new and worth pursuing.“

Indeed, nothing is free including happiness. This reminds me of the brothers Jacob and Esau. For a bowl of porridge, elder brother Esau sold his birthright to younger brother Jacob. Many have given up their lives for the freedom we enjoy today. Unfortunately, many are going to make choices out of fear or for instant gratification due to wrong belief, misplaced trust, naive expectation which plunged them into greater losses, moral failures, and spoiled happiness. But it’s not too late to get back if we “seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Then all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33. After all, we do not live by bread alone.

Small Step: So when the world is unkind, do I turn into swine and forget I am made in God’s image? To remember freedom day, what is one thing I can do to celebrate?

Now-a-days, truth has a new rival. It‘s called “my truth.” Is that a problem? Well, what we once refer to as my point of view, my experience, my story or my take is now hollowed, elevated from the subjective to the absolute, from the personal to the sacred, such that mere countering “my truth” becomes a serious personal affront. It is bolted by another asinine myth called entitlement. It means rights without responsibility. Granted, one’s needs and perceived unjust treatments should be heard, but can one justly demand it be accepted at face value? Since when is one’s claim a proof in itself, and since when is any truth protected from scrutiny?

Am I the only one bothered by this? Isn’t it common knowledge that we are all susceptible to biases? You might have heard of confirmation bias, self-serving bias, culture bias or in-grown bias, to name a few. Can a 21st century person end up biased? Sure he can.

To find fulfillment and answer, don’t we tend to take the easy way out by changing reality to favor us, instead of confronting our problems and inadequacies with rigorous research and sound reasoning? Instead of due process, we use undue speed. I am amazed at how even highly educated people put comfort before conscience, degree before dignity, progress before principle, empathy before evidence, profit before people, votes before victims, compliance before science. In so doing, we end up confusing my truth with the truth, prevention with purging, fact with feeling, compassion with compromise, authenticity with mere sincerity, examination with experimentation, reality with ideology.

A society that denies objective truth finds itself standing on shifting ground. Often, the children suffer the most.

Truth takes time. Early in life I tried to find the truth of the matter since I didn’t like being fooled. Having clear rules helps. Meaning what you say to me is another. Later on, I learned that clarity, objectivity, rationality and consistency were characteristics of truth. These are things money can’t buy yet truth is essential to life. But there’s more.

Truth is universal. It does not change with time, person or place. Truth is falsifiable (testable) for accuracy and consistency so that is does not avoid cross examination. I am less inclined to believe if I am not allowed to question it. Wouldn’t you?

Moreover, it is comprehensive. It has the full in view, weeding out partiality and omission. That means you get the head and tail, not just bits and pieces when you form your judgment. It is the only way to weed out biases, like the lion on the right.

If our ideas do not match with reality, isn’t that a definition of insanity? Indeed, some have become insane from being “educated” believing that re-framing changes reality for everybody. Take the example of a rose. May I call it red? A rose will still be a rose by any other name, because a rose is not a social nor personal construct, but a real object. One grave result of fudging with reality is we end up losing ourselves. Sad to say, mental illness is on the rise especially among the youth.

We were not here before we were born. We won’t be here after we die. So how can we be the source of truth? Shouldn’t we take a reasonably humble and cautious attitude to seek understanding instead of cancelling everyone that disagrees with us? Like a real scientist.

Caution: a seeker of truth becomes an outlier. You are not afraid to challenge, debate, and change when proven wrong. Truth is not of human nature. To be on truth’s side, you must be wiling to hate lying to others and to yourself. Jesus was crucified because He spoke the truth. Living out the truth is not for the fainthearted.

I like to call it by its proper name, Christmas. Proper name shows respect and recognition. It’s Independence Day, not just holiday. Or Mary, not just woman. It is heartwarming to receive a Christmas wish the way it has inspired countless musicians to write soul rousing songs. “O Holy Night” “Mary Did You Know” “Joy to the World” are so so good. That does not happen with “Holiday” no matter how many “Happy” we put in front of it.

This Christmas, I decorated before Thanksgiving, to have more time to enjoy its message. I guess this is the real reason why. Christmas is huge so that a day or a week to enjoy and talk about it is not enough. Whereas we so much need to be lifted up in spirit. Have you heard of the little known story of the Magi which says they did not see the baby Jesus until January 6? I’d say why not prolong the celebration of hope till then? Surely a pandemic year would not reject the idea of spreading more hope and good cheer. Shall we then say it like it is?

Be filled with the joy and peace of Christmas throughout the year.

Don’t you think that account is amazing? I do. It is God naming the world as He sees it, which is a good definition of truth. It means names are not to be tampered with, but respected because Reality exists. It means that reality exists apart from our own understanding, certified by God Himself.

These days, who hasn’t come across a misnomer?  Violence is called peaceful? Colorblindness is racist? Abortion is life-saving? Criminals are victims. Parents who stand up for their children’s education are domestic terrorists? The nameless mass is hailed as heroes and anyone with a notable name is in danger of being replaced, twisted or obliterated. It is like people take the liberty to define reality including history, value, morality, identity and rules of engagement, to the extent that names no longer need to correlate with reality. The assumption is Truth no longer exists, only one’s own perception or feelings is true.

What happens when you are Jane today and Jill tomorrow by the time you reach Russia? If Pam is the convicted felon, what happens if she is now Pete?

Misnomers create a fractured world instead of a universe where people can converse intelligently (uni: one; verse: word). Now, that is much worse than communication gap which is usually just misunderstanding. Rather, it is idiocy fueled by misinformation, ideology and controlled narratives. That’s one sophisticated description of lying infiltrating pre-schools all the way to the top universities. If reality is fluid, how does one decide what is? How can one be ever sure? How does that train anyone to think clearly, communicate accurately, or execute precisely? Then only a life of failure and misery awaits them. Isn’t it a mark of childishness to be double-minded, to disregard consequences, to believe with passion that which is not tested against broad wisdom in existence for centuries? And I thought testing is the basis of scientific research?

From experience we know mistrust turns people against each other, not just distancing them. Instead of changing the world, we are changed by the world we created. We become skeptical, cynical and alienated where we no longer know who to believe, what number to check, what name to use. After a while, we create causes to justify those lies, make up categories, events, victims and enemies that don’t exist as long as these yield the desired result we want. That is how victim-hood becomes hip. It’s lucrative.

Ah… did you hear that a teacher was fired for misusing pronouns! What? Can’t he just correct himself? Obviously the issue is not grammar. Rather, designation, speaking and human transactions are now based on color, gender, politics, ideology, feelings or mere loudness. Grammatical rules, language rules, moral rules are now a thing of the past? Well, if someone wants to change the basic rules of engagement, shouldn’t one have the right to challenge them or opt out, without getting vilified or fired? Creating rules that are one-sided only court friction. Worse if it is turned into a policy or a law. It’s a lie that it is done for unity, equity or progress. To call it justice is another misnomer.

Control the words to control someone’s reality and change it to one’s advantage. That’s gaslighting. I know what peaceful protest is when I see one. I bet you do too since you’d run for cover otherwise. You would not find it amusing if someone makes you second guess what you know is true and then suggests that you are paranoid or crazy. Would you?

Better ask how can one know he has fallen into any of these holes. Only the wise is willing to face his lie and admit it. For our greatest enemy is ourselves. We lie to ourselves constantly to get what we want. But since life for Adam did not start with a lie, neither should we. Be bold and call it by its name.

Small step: Have you come up with a way to sort out truth from distortion? May I suggest checking the basics or the Bible for how God calls “it” for real?

The pandemic has me thinking more deeply like…

Did you say “happily ever after”? You probably know better just by the rate of divorce worldwide. Don’t get me wrong. There’s no problem with dreaming of lasting happiness. The thing is, happiness is an emotional state that fluctuates, not a static destination. Worse, many do not realize it fluctuates according to the moral state of our heart.

Surprised to hear that? Notice that when you help someone you feel light, you can fly. It is like saying the flip side of happiness is holiness, whereas sin weighs us down.

There was a merchant who asked his best friend to build him a house. But the best friend used subpar materials to build. When the house was done, the merchant gave it to this best friend as a surprise present. Pretending to be happy, he thanked the merchant profusely. But inside, he was drowning in shame and regret. “I am a big fool!”

As the good Book said, “The wise man builds his house upon the rock, the foolish man builds it on the sand.” It is like building a make-believe world. So, to build a life of happiness, wisdom should inform and tame our emotions and lace our decisions and actions. If life is a house, I will wisely build it on moral foundation. Would you then agree if I say the ubiquitous thief of happiness is foolishness, and not failure, friends, or fate?

The fool speaks before listening, acts before thinking. He says, no one will find out. It is okay, everybody is doing it. He said, “there’s a lion in the street,” but he does not check it. He might be sleek and eloquent, but only seeks his own opinion. The stomach is his god. My rights and interests equal justice. Oh, and my needs and sufferings make me above reproach. He believes the end justifies the means even if he robs others or sells his conscience. He enjoys the company of fools for after all, the fool is morally blind.

How then do we pursue happiness? Not without a moral-makeover for sure. It is more like crafting a jewel– carefully. We can learn from God who did not just throw away Adam and Eve to start all over again. Why? Happiness is not about changing our past or circumstances, but about crafting good hearts in the present which will ultimately change the way ahead to one’s benefit. It is a labor of love much like how going thru the wilderness for 40 years, God prepared the people leaving 400 years of slavery in Egypt behind to the promised land. Are there things weighing you down from the past? Are you a work in progress? In due time you will be rewarded. Don’t give up.

Things that no eye has seen, or ear heard, or mind imagined, are the things God has prepared for those who love him. I Cor2:9

Want More questions for a happy heart? Here you go: Ask yourself– what fills your heart? Which ones would Jesus want you to let go? Are you living by and in your emotions? What do you fear most? Do you have the fear of God? When was the last time you set some moral foundations? On what basis do you choose your friends? Are you controlled by something immoral? Are you aware that you are building a house you will live in forever? Are you easily offended and act on it just as easily? Do you eat your pain away? What is eating you? Instead of feeding your emotion, what do you feed your body and soul?

Do you want to be happy? Of course, we all do. Happiness is so good even our Declaration of Independence says we have the right to pursuit it. We know it is not referring to just feeling good. It is more like having a blessed life where you feel cheerful contentment, attaining, and high-spirited, but also enjoying simple pleasures. Overall, it is more long lasting when it is not dependent on the surrounding circumstances, but emanating from within your heart.

But sadly, people often behave differently in its pursuit. Maybe they would forget, compromise, or even sacrifice people and principles that stand in their way. Is that necessary? How does one find happiness?

First of all, is happiness promised to all? Just like many other good things, it isn’t. If not, why do we act like it is then conclude that life is unfair? This misconception easily breeds resentment. Still others develop a crab mentality saying: Why me? If I am not happy, neither can you. If I suffer, so should you. Until I am happy, dare you. As expected, this mindset is behind counterproductive harmful behaviors that create more unhappiness.

I also wish everyone can be happy. But you and I have lived long enough to know that happiness would not just appear on our plate. Should happiness come to us or should we create it? I am greeted every morning with a ray of sunshine but the rest is mostly up to me. Creating happiness is not just possible, it is a must.

In the Bible, we are told it is a personal choice and responsibility, not somebody else’s. In that case, rather than waiting or relying on others, picking the right meaning of happiness, the right goal and method makes a difference whether we create it or not. It is aiming for peace and fulfillment without involving foul play. It is about who and what we are and become, and what we do with our lives.

Yes, we would meet failures. But is failure really incompatible with happiness or a part of it? We might think the happy story of Adam and Eve ended miserably. It didn’t because they had redemption, instead of punishment only. Receiving a blessing we don’t deserve is “grace.” The same grace offered them transformation. Thus they experienced another kind of happiness after overcoming their failure. It was no longer an idyllic happiness, but the joy of overcoming, of learning, of growth. It’s also more personal. Such becomes the conquests we celebrate, the love songs we sing, and the unforgettable stories we leave behind.

Truth is happiness is made of many “grace moments” as we hit and miss. Isn’t it smart that failures can be useful like firewood on the stove? By grace we can create different kinds of happiness out of trouble, and that without turning ourselves into demons first. Grace trickles down like dew that nourish the land, rejuvenating it. And like the tide that goes in and out shaping the landscape, at times if we just give it some time, we regain from our losses, reach our goals and become happier.

And when you finally noticed your “grace moment”, savor it like wine, sniff it like fresh bread, with gratefulness. A grateful heart quickly turns it into happiness, whereas grumpiness and malcontent spoil it. Jesus said those who are faithful in little will receive even more. That way, you CREATE more happiness, much much more.

Quick start: What’s that towel in your hand? To wipe dirt, clean your face, or wrap around your body? Are you grateful or did you just miss “happiness”? When was the last time you chose to be “unhappy”? To be “happy”? Do you have a quick start to share? Welcome to send it in.