Counseling the Heart

Are you an A-lister? Anger, anxiety, antipathy, avarice, acrimony, aggression, arrogance and antagonism can be flooding your system now. Are you so afflicted you’ve become an alarmist, antisocial agitator who cannot adjust? You might have tried to change, or to pretend it isn’t there. But it only continues to besiege you. I wonder how many who visit this blog are under stress. Hang in there. I’m glad you are here. Just when you thought you’ve seen it all, you’ve exhausted all ideas, a thing of beauty appears. The answer is quite simple but sure, which makes it profound — accept His invitation.

Why not enter the rest of all rest ? Instead of speeding up, it might be time to listen to your tired mind and body and scale back, all the way back to God, the creator of rest. Let your pain bring you gain. Jesus invites saying “Come unto me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Aren’t you glad God is serious about rest? The world does not rest on your shoulder. The weatherman knows that by heart. God told man to multiply and flourish, to till the ground, be a good steward of His creation, to love your neighbor. He never said we are to control the climate. That is His job. Such as, He makes sure the planets don’t collide. The solar radiation, change in the earth’s tilt, earth’s orbital distance from the sun, plus latitude, temperature, air pressure and amount of water are the combined major factors that influence weather. With that in mind, I imagine the climate czars look like toy-makers to God. Do not feel small either if you don’t have appointments for the holiday, the weekend or Friday. Sit back and take time to meditate and worship. No amount of latte can lift a wilted fragile human spirit. We really need God’s rest. What is that?

In the Bible, the Hebrew word for rest is shabath. Does it sound like Sabbath? After creating the world in six days, God rested on the seventh day and instituted the Sabbath rest. That is why Jesus is called the Lord of Sabbath, the Master of Rest. You bet, He instituted rest to their land, servants and animals too. This rest means to cease working, but the goal is to be refreshed, like recharging a battery. Yet we are more mindful of how we work, not how we rest. We make sure our work is well done, which is impossible when you are tattered and warped. We try to save enough to afford a more comfortable life. But we jam more work into our free time. Now, we don’t talk to each other, or go out to make friends because we’re busy on our phones. We are missing by a long shot, for our rest has not even reached the inner soul, the mother of all rest.

How is that? Sabbath rest is something we do with Him and in Him. It does not mean emptying your mind , changing the pace, the scenery, or just sleeping away. These might help, but it is about filling yourself with Him. Quite unique, don’t you think? One factor affecting our rest is our perception of time. And how is that not related to our heart’s condition, what we feed our soul? To be refreshed, we need to cease from labor to attend to our soul. Interestingly, survey said that compared to those who skipped, people who regularly worship during the pandemic scored higher in happiness and are more mentally fit.

When even the sun seems to stop smiling at you and the moon loses its peaceful glow, you know you are spent. It may not be the best of times. But it’s not yet the worst. Relax. A long time ago, the rainbow first appeared in the sky to remind us that God will not use flood again to judge the world. But of course it is also a reminder that God will judge one day, just not with water, and just not yet. Every baby born is God’s message that He has not yet given up on mankind. Life will go on till we come to our final resting place. What kind of rest would you like that to be?

Simple Prayer: “Refresh me. Clean me and fill my cup Lord now with You” For seven day meditation: Ps 16:5, Ps 23:5, I Jn 5:11, John 3:15, Jer 29:13,John 6:47

What’s a happiness spoiler for you? I’d like to invite you to delve deeper into the topic of happiness with the story below.

An exchange student who fought to keep his country from turning into a communist regime asked a professor, “Do you know how to catch wild pigs?” Then he explained:

You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. Then you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but to no avail. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity. The young man told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America.

What’s wrong with eating your food? But what a way to live when we develop unhealthy dependency. To satisfy our needs, do we need to peddle our freedom and dignity, or let others abuse our safety and trust? Is there no other way?

Unfortunately, it is when we are down and out that we may fall for the easier way out. It gets worse when it is a national crisis like an epidemic or a recession. It might be a timely reminder to say that Hitler used inflation as the single issue to buy the sympathy of people. Now,with the rise of inflation almost everywhere, shouldn’t we be more careful how we navigate thru trying times? Do we just follow the crowd? Do we just go for the free stuff? Do we just believe promises? There are “nice” people who take advantage of others in dire times. In the end, good intention is just a mask. Happiness is spoiled.

May we not become a society addicted to flowery promises and unbelievable freebees. Both are addictive. “The instant gratification from dopamine it produces is a rewarding feeling like that produced by drugs. But dopamine also prevent us from learning that the reward is fleeting. It creates a learning resistance at the primal level of the brain as happens in gambling or social media by interfering with reward prediction. It overrides our self-awareness or reflection that a thing is damaging, deceptive or degrading, with an illusion that the reward is ever new and worth pursuing.“

Indeed, nothing is free including life, liberty and happiness. There is an economic side for happiness. But the price is beyond material and temporal. Jesus succinctly asked, what wold you give in exchange for your soul?

As mentioned at the beginning, I am inviting you to delve deeper. Is this too convicting? Or, have you made an awful exchange already somewhere, somehow? Don’t panic. You are not alone. The Bible told the story of Esau who, famished from hunting, sold his birthright to younger brother cook Jacob, in exchange for a bowl of his porridge. What an exchange and loss. Did he think he was like a beast? Unfortunately, many are going to make choices out of fear, ignorance, or for instant gratification, due to haste, a dopamine rush, wrong belief, pride, misplaced trust, naive expectation, compromised social values, which plunge them into greater losses, moral failures, and spoiled, lifetime of unhappiness. Whether you are the instigator or the receiver, it does not have to end in tragedy.

By now, you would have realized the transactional nature of happiness. That is why you are created with freedom. You can win it or lose it. It does not just evolve by itself. Based on Matthew 6:33, the solution may not be as hard or too late as it seems. It says, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Then all these things shall be added unto you.” If you stop for a moment and analyze this basic exchange, you would notice a difference that promotes happiness. Then, you might want to try it for yourself.

Small Step: So when the world is unkind and spinning out of control, do I turn into swine or a saint, a person made in God’s image? How would my reaction show it?

Now-a-days, truth has a new rival. It‘s called “my truth.” Is that a problem? Well, what we once refer to as my point of view, my experience, my story or my take is now hollowed, elevated from the subjective to almost the absolute, from the personal to a subtle sacredness, such that mere countering “my truth” becomes a serious personal affront. It is bolted by another asinine myth called entitlement. It means rights without responsibility. Granted, one’s needs and perceived unjust treatments should be heard, but can one justly demand it be accepted at face value? Since when is one’s claim a proof in itself, and since when is any truth protected from scrutiny? In all honesty, are you comfortable with believing something you are not allowed to cross-examine?

Am I the only one bothered by this? Don’t we know from experience that we are all susceptible to biases? You might have heard of confirmation bias, self-serving bias, culture bias or in-grown bias, to name a few. Can a 21st century person end up biased? Sure he can.

And the more we try to find fulfillment and answer, the more we are tempted to changing reality to favor us, instead of confronting our problems and inadequacies with long rigorous research and sound reasoning. Instead of due process, we use undue speed. I am amazed at how even highly educated people put comfort before conscience, degree before dignity, progress before principle, empathy before evidence, profit before people, votes before victims, compliance before science. In so doing, we end up confusing my truth with the truth, prevention with purging, fact with feeling, compassion with compromise, authenticity with mere sincerity, examination with experimentation, reality with ideology.

A society that denies objective truth finds itself standing on shifting ground. Often, the children suffer the most.

Truth takes time. Early in life I tried to find the truth of the matter since I didn’t like being fooled. Having clear rules helps. Meaning what you say to me is another. Later on, I learned that clarity, objectivity, rationality and consistency were characteristics of truth. These are things money can’t buy yet truth is essential to life. But there’s more.

Truth is universal. It does not change with time, person or place. You know why? Because truth, especially that which is taught in the Bible, is based on human nature. And human nature does not change. Truth is falsifiable (testable) for accuracy and consistency so that is does not avoid cross examination. Moreover, it is comprehensive. It has the full in view, weeding out partiality and omission. That means you get the head and tail, not just bits and pieces when you form your judgment. It is the only way to weed out biases, like the picture of the cub below.

If our ideas do not match with reality, isn’t that a definition of insanity? Indeed, some have become insane from being “over-educated” believing that re-framing changes reality for everybody. Take the example of a rose. May I call it red? A rose will still be a rose by any other name, because a rose is not a social nor personal construct, but a real object. One grave result of fudging with reality is we end up losing ourselves. Sad to say, mental illness is on the rise especially among the youth.

We were not here before we were born. We won’t be here after we die. So how can we be the source of truth? Shouldn’t we take a reasonably humble and cautious attitude to seek and test our understanding instead of cancelling everyone that disagrees with us? Like a real scientist?

Caution: a seeker of truth becomes an outlier. You are not afraid to challenge, debate, and change when proven wrong. Truth is not of human nature. To be on truth’s side, you must be wiling to hate lying to others and to yourself. Jesus was crucified because He spoke the truth. He wasn’t afraid to die to save sinners. Living out the truth is not for the fainthearted.

I like to call it by its proper name, Christmas. Proper name shows respect and recognition. It’s Independence Day, not just holiday. Or Mary, not just woman. It is heartwarming to receive a Christmas wish the way it has inspired countless musicians to write soul rousing songs. “O Holy Night” “Mary Did You Know” “Joy to the World” are so so good. That does not happen with “Holiday” no matter how many “Happy” we put in front of it.

This Christmas, I decorated before Thanksgiving, to have more time to enjoy its message. I guess this is the real reason why. Christmas is huge so that a day or a week to enjoy and talk about it is not enough. Whereas we so much need to be lifted up in spirit. Have you heard of the little known story of the Magi which says they did not see the baby Jesus until January 6? I’d say why not prolong the celebration of hope till then? Surely a pandemic year would not reject the idea of spreading more hope and good cheer. Shall we then say it like it is?

Be filled with the joy and peace of Christmas throughout the year.

Don’t you think that account is amazing? I do. It is God naming the world as He sees it, which is a good definition of truth. It means names are not to be tampered with, but respected because Reality exists. It means that reality exists apart from our own understanding, certified by God Himself.

These days, who hasn’t come across a misnomer?  Violence is called peaceful? Colorblindness is racist? Abortion is life-saving? Criminals are victims. Parents who stand up for their children’s education are domestic terrorists? The nameless mass is hailed as heroes and anyone with a notable name is in danger of being replaced, twisted or obliterated. It is like people take the liberty to define reality including history, value, morality, identity and rules of engagement, to the extent that names no longer need to correlate with reality. The assumption is Truth no longer exists, only one’s own perception or feelings is true.

What happens when you are Jane today and Jill tomorrow by the time you reach Russia? If Pam is the convicted felon, what happens if she is now Pete?

Misnomers create a fractured world instead of a universe where people can converse intelligently (uni: one; verse: word). Now, that is much worse than communication gap which is usually just misunderstanding. Rather, it is idiocy fueled by misinformation, ideology and controlled narratives. That’s one sophisticated description of lying infiltrating pre-schools all the way to the top universities. If reality is fluid, how does one decide what is? How can one be ever sure? How does that train anyone to think clearly, communicate accurately, or execute precisely? Then only a life of failure and misery awaits them. Isn’t it a mark of childishness to be double-minded, to disregard consequences, to believe with passion that which is not tested against broad wisdom in existence for centuries? And I thought testing is the basis of scientific research?

From experience we know mistrust turns people against each other, not just distancing them. Instead of changing the world, we are changed by the world we create. We become skeptical, cynical and alienated where we no longer know who to believe, what number to check, what name to use. After a while, we create causes to justify those lies, make up categories, events, victims and enemies that don’t exist as long as these yield the desired result we want. That is how victim-hood becomes hip. It’s lucrative.

Ah… did you hear that a teacher was fired for misusing pronouns! What? Can’t he just correct himself? Obviously the issue is not grammar. Rather, designation, speaking and human transactions are now based on color, gender, politics, ideology, feelings or mere loudness. Grammatical rules, language rules, moral rules are now a thing of the past? Well, if someone wants to change the basic rules of engagement, shouldn’t one have the right to challenge them or opt out, without getting vilified or fired? Creating rules that are one-sided only court friction. Worse if it is turned into a policy or a law. It’s a lie that it is done for unity, equity or progress. To call it justice is another misnomer.

Control the words to control someone’s reality and change it to one’s advantage. That’s gaslighting. I know what peaceful protest is when I see one. I bet you do too since you’d run for cover otherwise. You would not find it amusing if someone makes you second guess what you know is true and then suggests that you are paranoid or crazy. Would you?

Better ask how can one know he has fallen into any of these holes. Only the wise is willing to face his lie and admit it. For our greatest enemy is ourselves. We lie to ourselves constantly to get what we want. But since life for Adam did not start with a lie, neither should we. Be bold and call it by its name.

Small step: Have you come up with a way to sort out truth from distortion? May I suggest checking the basics or the Bible for what God calls “it” for real?

The pandemic has me thinking more deeply like…

Did you say “happily ever after”? You probably know better just by the rate of divorce worldwide. Don’t get me wrong. There’s no problem with dreaming of lasting happiness. The thing is, happiness is an emotional state that fluctuates, not a static destination. Worse, many do not realize it fluctuates according to the moral state of our heart.

Surprised to hear that? Notice that when you help someone you feel light, you can fly. It is like saying the flip side of happiness is holiness, whereas sin weighs us down.

There was a merchant who asked his best friend to build him a house. But the best friend used subpar materials to build. When the house was done, the merchant gave it to this best friend as a surprise present. Pretending to be happy, he thanked the merchant profusely. But inside, he was drowning in shame and regret. “I am a big fool!”

As the good Book said, “The wise man builds his house upon the rock, the foolish man builds it on the sand.” It is like building a make-believe world. So, to build a life of happiness, wisdom should inform and tame our emotions and lace our decisions and actions. If life is a house, I will wisely build it on moral foundation. Would you then agree if I say the ubiquitous thief of happiness is foolishness, and not failure, friends, or fate?

The fool speaks before listening, acts before thinking. He says, no one will find out. It is okay, everybody is doing it. He said, “there’s a lion in the street,” but he does not check it. He might be sleek and eloquent, but only seeks his own opinion. The stomach is his god. My rights and interests equal justice. Oh, and my needs and sufferings make me above reproach. He believes the end justifies the means even if he robs others or sells his conscience. He enjoys the company of fools for after all, the fool is morally blind.

How then do we pursue happiness? Not without a moral-makeover for sure. It is more like crafting a jewel– carefully. We can learn from God who did not just throw away Adam and Eve to start all over again. Why? Happiness is not about changing our past or circumstances, but about crafting good hearts in the present which will ultimately change the way ahead to one’s benefit. It is a labor of love much like how going thru the wilderness for 40 years, God prepared the people leaving 400 years of slavery in Egypt behind to the promised land. Are there things weighing you down from the past? Are you a work in progress? In due time you will be rewarded. Don’t give up.

Things that no eye has seen, or ear heard, or mind imagined, are the things God has prepared for those who love him. I Cor2:9

Want More questions for a happy heart? Here you go: Ask yourself– what fills your heart? Which ones would Jesus want you to let go? Are you living by and in your emotions? What do you fear most? Do you have the fear of God? When was the last time you set some moral foundations? On what basis do you choose your friends? Are you controlled by something immoral? Are you aware that you are building a house you will live in forever? Are you easily offended and act on it just as easily? Do you eat your pain away? What is eating you? Instead of feeding your emotion, what do you feed your body and soul?