Counseling the Heart

Did you say “happily ever after”? You probably know better just by the rate of divorce worldwide. Don’t get me wrong. There’s no problem with dreaming of lasting happiness. The thing is, happiness is an emotional state that fluctuates, not a static destination. Worse, many do not realize it fluctuates according to the moral state of our heart.

Surprised to hear that? Notice that when you help someone you feel light, you can fly. It is like saying the flip side of happiness is holiness, whereas sin weighs us down.

There was a merchant who asked his best friend to build him a house. But the best friend used subpar materials to build. When the house was done, the merchant gave it to this best friend as a surprise present. Pretending to be happy, he thanked the merchant profusely. But inside, he was drowning in shame and regret. “I am a big fool!”

As the good Book said, “The wise man builds his house upon the rock, the foolish man builds it on the sand.” It is like building a make-believe world. So, to build a life of happiness, wisdom should inform and tame our emotions and lace our decisions and actions. If life is a house, I will wisely build it on moral foundation. Would you then agree if I say the ubiquitous thief of happiness is foolishness, and not failure, friends, or fate?

The fool speaks before listening, acts before thinking. He says, no one will find out. It is okay, everybody is doing it. He said, “there’s a lion in the street,” but he does not check it. He might be sleek and eloquent, but only seeks his own opinion. The stomach is his god. My rights and interests equal justice. Oh, and my needs and sufferings make me above reproach. He believes the end justifies the means even if he robs others or sells his conscience. He enjoys the company of fools for after all, the fool is morally blind.

How then do we pursue happiness? Not without a moral-makeover for sure. It is more like crafting a jewel– carefully. We can learn from God who did not just throw away Adam and Eve to start all over again. Why? Happiness is not about changing our past or circumstances, but about crafting good hearts in the present which will ultimately change the way ahead to one’s benefit. It is a labor of love much like how going thru the wilderness for 40 years, God prepared the people leaving 400 years of slavery in Egypt behind to the promised land. Are there things weighing you down from the past? Are you a work in progress? In due time you will be rewarded. Don’t give up.

Things that no eye has seen, or ear heard, or mind imagined, are the things God has prepared for those who love him. I Cor2:9

Want More questions for a happy heart? Here you go: Ask yourself– what fills your heart? Which ones would Jesus want you to let go? Are you living by and in your emotions? What do you fear most? Do you have the fear of God? When was the last time you set some moral foundations? On what basis do you choose your friends? Are you controlled by something immoral? Are you aware that you are building a house you will live in forever? Are you easily offended and act on it just as easily? Do you eat your pain away? What is eating you? Instead of feeding your emotion, what do you feed your body and soul?

Do you want to be happy? Of course, we all do. Happiness is so good even our Declaration of Independence says we have the right to pursuit it. We know it is not referring to just feeling good. It is more like having a blessed life where you feel cheerful contentment, attaining, and high-spirited, but also enjoying simple pleasures. Overall, it is more long lasting when it is not dependent on the surrounding circumstances, but emanating from within your heart.

But sadly, people often behave differently in its pursuit. Maybe they would forget, compromise, or even sacrifice people and principles that stand in their way. Is that necessary? How does one find happiness?

First of all, is happiness promised to all? Just like many other good things, it isn’t. If not, why do we act like it is then conclude that life is unfair? This misconception easily breeds resentment. Still others develop a crab mentality saying: Why me? If I am not happy, neither can you. If I suffer, so should you. Until I am happy, dare you. As expected, this mindset is behind counterproductive harmful behaviors that create more unhappiness.

I also wish everyone can be happy. But you and I have lived long enough to know that happiness would not just appear on our plate. Should happiness come to us or should we create it? I am greeted every morning with a ray of sunshine but the rest is mostly up to me. Creating happiness is not just possible, it is a must.

In the Bible, we are told it is a personal choice and responsibility, not somebody else’s. In that case, rather than waiting or relying on others, picking the right meaning of happiness, the right goal and method makes a difference whether we create it or not. It is aiming for peace and fulfillment without involving foul play. It is about who and what we are and become, and what we do with our lives.

Yes, we would meet failures. But is failure really incompatible with happiness or a part of it? We might think the happy story of Adam and Eve ended miserably. It didn’t because they had redemption, instead of punishment only. Receiving a blessing we don’t deserve is “grace.” The same grace offered them transformation. Thus they experienced another kind of happiness after overcoming their failure. It was no longer an idyllic happiness, but the joy of overcoming, of learning, of growth. It’s also more personal. Such becomes the conquests we celebrate, the love songs we sing, and the unforgettable stories we leave behind.

Truth is happiness is made of many “grace moments” as we hit and miss. Isn’t it smart that failures can be useful like firewood on the stove? By grace we can create different kinds of happiness out of trouble, and that without turning ourselves into demons first. Grace trickles down like dew that nourish the land, rejuvenating it. And like the tide that goes in and out shaping the landscape, at times if we just give it some time, we regain from our losses, reach our goals and become happier.

And when you finally noticed your “grace moment”, savor it like wine, sniff it like fresh bread, with gratefulness. A grateful heart quickly turns it into happiness, whereas grumpiness and malcontent spoil it. Jesus said those who are faithful in little will receive even more. That way, you CREATE more happiness, much much more.

Quick start: What’s that towel in your hand? To wipe dirt, clean your face, or wrap around your body? Are you grateful or did you just miss “happiness”? When was the last time you chose to be “unhappy”? To be “happy”? Do you have a quick start to share? Welcome to send it in.

No big if there is no small, No height if there is no depth, No west if there is no east, No tree if there is no root

With love we know hate, With joy we know grief, With right we know wrong, With life we know death

Without God there is no justice, No punishment nor reward, Without God, there is no forever, Without forever, there is no memory

Then there is nothing at all… For we can’t have one without the other

We only see what we want to see, And believe what we want to believe, We make our own law and absolutes, But reality begs to differ

Evil exists,  Man’s nature is sinful, He lives for a short while, The sun sets no matter what you say

Then there is the one-way street…

Yesterday will never come again…it’s one way, What is done can’t be undone, We can’t turn left to go right, We don’t pass the same river twice

No darkness in the light, No life once it’s gone, The end is better when we do good,  The opposite is just as sure

We are bound or free, Lies enslave and truth frees, We can’t be what we do not have, It’s a one-way street

There is free will,  But no free meal, We reap what we sow, It’s a one-way street

But there’s a one way street that never fails. Jesus said “My peace I give to you not as the world gives… I am the way, the truth and the life… One who believes in me will live even if he dies.”

Quick check:  Which street am I on now? What do I usually do when my street is blocked or my soul is cast down?

1 The government is my shepherd, I need not work 2. It allows me to lie down on good jobs. 3. It destroyeth my initiative; it leads me into paths of the parasite for politics’ sake. 4. Yea, tho I walk through the valley of laziness and deficit spending, I will fear no evil; for the government is with me; it doles its vote-getter, it comforts me. 5. It prepareth an economic Utopia for me by appropriating the earnings of my grandchildren. It filleth my bologna; my inefficiency runneth over. 6. Surely the government shall care for me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in fool’s paradise forever. (New Psalm Parrsboro Record, Nova Scotia in Oct. 1950. Original source not confirmed.)

A person under God — Psalm 23 when I hear God speaks instead

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,

for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

You heard it said, we cannot allow the cure to be worse than the disease. In the same way, we cannot allow fear to be greater than the problem either. Add anxiety to it and fear becomes panic. When the problem of pain comes, we ask, what to do now? What will happen to me now? We would seek where it comes from but rarely ask what pain is and how it can benefit me. Pain is a sensation with a message. It can turn into good or bad suffering depending on how we understand it and use it. 

When crisis comes, we can choose to be happy up to an extent until physical or emotional pain overwhelms, whichever comes first.  Job showed us his resilience till his mind could no longer fathom as his body was exhausted. But before you conclude it’s over and this is a reason for despair, note that Job’s inner perspective was restored first which eventually led to the healing of his body. 

I know that not everyone has the same good ending.  We heard of people under duress took their lives. We need to take human pain seriously for we have our limits. Pain will reveal that to us quickly.  As the story of Job shows, he went through the experience with the support of his friends who mourned with him, listened and talked to him as he processed his sufferings for days. In the end, what the well-meaning friends could not deliver, God came to the rescue. The road to our deliverance always involves God, never human alone. Pain asks: Am I alone? Is the unlimited God in my support system? 

But you may say, I asked for help and He was silent. Believe me, there are many who blame the Healer than team up with Him. You mean God is with me? You mean the sun is still there when it’s pouring rain? Well, aside from thinking we suffer alone, this really pains me that we can’t see through our pain. Job was in the same situation. I have been there too. Doubting, angry and resentful. But we need not stay there. Pain has a message that can be a door opener.

Probably, Easter will mean differently this year.  It is time we see the meaning in Jesus’ pain. He gives us the full human experience through the cross. He shows us even the way to glory is through the death on the cross.  To ditch this pain, this cross, only enshrines the flesh that kills the spirit, not just the body. The invisible darkness inside is the one killing us. It blinds us. What do you do when the enemy is invisible? So, pain makes it visible. Our true color shows in times of crisis. Our dependence or a.k.a. addiction, insecurity, selfishness, arrogance, hatred, ignorance, etc. But then we need not rot there. Jesus did not just make our suffering His by suffering for us and with us. Best of all, Jesus did not remain defeated. He overcame death (due to sin) by resurrecting to life and opened the door to those who followed. Pain asks: has it uncovered what is rotting in you?

Thus, the greatest pain is the one that has no meaning because one misses the point. Every year we celebrate Easter, but we only learn of new ways to dress up the Easter Egg? I hope not. Easter is about hope, that there is life after a crisis. But not before taking out the bad guys first. Not at all difficult to understand. You remember seeking dental help once your tooth hurts? That in turn saves your tooth.

So whether it is physical or spiritual, there are times when pain is necessary or we would have destroyed and be destroyed. Pain also forces us to examine our perspective, priorities, and purpose for living. As an added value, be changed. After the pandemic, many things will no longer be the same, including your values, plans, even politics. Like the world after the Flood, pain can be a new beginning. Pain ask: what would your new world be like? Maybe a world more attuned to the suffering of others? More appreciative of what you already have? Less wasteful, and more prepared? Less demanding and more forgiving?

But woe to the one who takes advantage of pain for greed, to manipulate, to “educate” others for selfish ends. Those who believe in using “fake” struggle to weed out the weak for the survival of the fittest justify it. They create fear to control others. But it is never God who’d do this. God wants us to be healed, happy and holy. In God’s economy, those who make even the little one stumble, He will make them pay, in a way that only He can. Wow. In the meantime, He calls the fittest to help others to survive, to suffer with those who suffer, to rejoice with those who rejoice, and to spread truth and good news, not deception and doom. Pain clarifies. So pain asks: on whose side are you? Are you part of the solution or the problem?

Lastly, this too shall pass. So you can breath now. Jesus spreads everlasting life, not everlasting problem or pain. It runs on faith, not fear. In fact, a faith as small as a mustard seed will do. What if instead of fear, we react with faith in face of pain? It would be as epidemiologist Jeff Levin’s study shows how one’s “ongoing faith commitment” increases resilience and yields better medical outcome.” After all, real faith always benefit your soul though you suffer physically. Faith in God is life enhancing, not fatalistic. Fear and freedom are opposites. Faith gives us the land of the living and the free. Pain forces us to think, reflect, examine and presents us with a choice. Pain asks: what’s will it be today, fear or faith?

A Prayer for Healing “Our God, Your word says You answer and deliver people when they call on Your name. So we ask that You would heal and protect those who are sick or who are carrying the COVID-19 virus without knowing it. Provide a cure for the Coronavirus, heal our economy, and bring a quick end to this darkness. Whether healing comes today, next week, or next month, we believe You will heal our world. And we will continue to praise You, even as we wait for answers. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. ” from YouVersion

Simple step: “For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37 Do you have a prayer request? Write it down so I can pray with you.

If only that is so. “When the world and I were young, just yesterday, life was such a simple game, a child could play. It was easy then to tell truth from lies…” These words from a song are more than just sentiments. I used to like true or false tests cause they were easy. Not anymore.

Today, even the innocence of children are preyed upon. There is this insidious incessant voice planting doubts, confusion and dissatisfaction with yourself, your identity, your color, size, gender. The only choice left seems to be “be yourself.” But which “self”?

Then there is another problem. Self-deception is human nature, and it usually wins. To be yourself is actually self-defeating. Just think of the many ways we try to self-define. There is the blurring of feeling and reality, past and present, style and substance, comfort and corruption, means and ends, fact and opinion, reason and desire, human and machine, freedom and depravity, compassion and bribery, safety and irresponsibility, science and indoctrination, tissue and fetus,… Oh, I hope I didn’t lose you with that long list. But I felt a knot in my stomach just running that list in my mind. You see that blurring confuses and clogs the brain.

To unclog, we need wisdom. It is the ability to discern that brings clarity. And how we need that since truth is not neutral. That is why aim for clarity first, not for agreement. Fluidity which erases the lines is not freedom but brings chaos. Fortunately, God draws all the lines to maintain clarity and order. And to erase the lines does the opposite.

For example, He divided the light from darkness since the beginning. Did you know the sun was created to mark the day and the moon to mark the night? Animals are distinguished from plants and animals differ in kind from each other. That is how we can tell if we are eating chicken or beef. Of course, they are distinct. Adam knew Eve was distinctly different, more similar to him than the animals. Note that God set the time of a week since creation. Imagine if we are free to count 8 days a week or call Monday a Sunday because we feel like it, because we have a right to our own time or because the differences are just man-made? The farmers who rely on this 52-week calendar knows it is not to be tampered with.

Hmmm… Let’s take a practical road test. How do we navigate the road when the basic markers are erased, when the individual decides to stop or go based on feelings or ideology? The scariest thing is what this will amount to – power without boundaries. Isn’t that a definition of evil? I’m sure I did not make that up either. God said, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil …”(Isaiah 5:20).

Without true markers, woe to us. We lose the ability to think clearly which makes us easier to prey on. We also waste time and effort reconstructing the basics. True markers are taught in the Bible and have been self-evident throughout civilization. What can we expect from chaos if not weakness and unhappiness? Without true markers, especially moral markers, evil reigns. Woe because we are lost.

“Set them apart in the truth; your word is truth.” Jn 17:17

Small step: As you go forward, do you have to clear some clutter, I mean in your brain, heart and relationships, not just your closet? To have a more fruitful life, restore order and clarity, start making a list of markers you need to respect. And if you happen to uncover some lies you have, awesome. Remember, you are welcomed to share your list and bless others as well.

Disappointments occur, at times daily. Maybe an unkind word meant to be a joke but it still hurts. Disagreements, shaming, unequal treatment, troubled past or feeling miserable that one cannot change the outcome of a bad decision.

The fact is one’s response to the hurt would make it worse than the hurt itself. We may not be responsible for what happens to us, but we are still responsible for how we respond to it. In reality, the past is for redemptive reflection, not for blaming or collecting. Why should we go about collecting “garbage” when there is no obligation to do so? Why must we expect perfection when there is simply no such thing? Why let pride dictate my response when pride always leads to a fall? Some responses like resentment, bitterness, envy, scoring, self-pity and self-doubt can eat us up, adding to the hurt. We could eventually find ourselves lonelier, weaker and feeling trapped.

What to do now? Should I quit or move? Maybe it is not “where” but “what and how.” It could simply be realizing that we become what we respond to and how we respond to it. What if we choose to respond to what is true “and” eternal instead? Won’t we become truer and wiser? What if we ask what can this teach me and think of how to overcome? Won’t we become the architect instead of the victim?

Maybe it is easier said than done? Actually, using this approach is so rewarding you would not even mind the effort. Remember Joseph who was sold to slavery by his brothers? He named his two sons Manasseh and Ephraim. The names meant “God has made me forget” and “God has made me fertile in the land of my affliction” respectively. These names reminded him over and over about what’s true, what he chose to respond to. What a creative way to respond to his misfortunes, and so rewarding.